“I am who I am, so take me as I am.” — Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Weseem to be standing in moving tides on so many levels. And as it happens with tides, we push our way forward, only to be pushed back; and then we surge forward again. If one were to go solely on what is published by our press today (that perhaps has proven itself to be not as reliable and unbiased as they are supposed to be) the picture of India is a bleak one. My safety is under question from multiple angles — my gender, my religious beliefs, my sexual orientation, my choice of occupation, my mixed-heritage background are a few that spring to mind instantly! I have been told to my face that my parents had no right to give me the name they did if I am not Muslim. I have been denied housing for the same. I have been questioned on why I don’t “look” gay, or why I’ve “chosen” a harder life for myself. I have been told I bring shame to my family by insisting on living my authentic life. I can laugh at this now, but in the situation I was unsure of what shocked me more — the blatant assumption that an opinion was being called for or was required, or the sheer aggressiveness of its delivery. Also, having had the sheer privilege (and I can recognise it for being so, now) to grow up in a section of the country where none of this was ever up for any form of debate, or where I wasn’t questioned about which pigeonhole I could be stuffed into, most of the aggression I faced from when I joined college onward has always caught me off guard.
The result has been that I have fought tooth and nail to live my authentic life to its maximum capacity, and I stand by my choices and by who I am. I think if you probed into it, my family would have wished my life to have easier choices; simpler debates and battles for the worry of my safety. I had to do it my way, I suppose! But jokes apart, much like what is being argued in the Supreme Court over the last two days, my sexuality was never really in my control. This is something I was born with — it wasn’t a personal choice. I learned about it the hard way, and it’s not a journey I would wish on anyone. So it is tough when it’s constantly being questioned or scrutinised under that lens. I find myself having very little patience with people who choose to ignore the fact that I am married, or that I have a wife, or refer to my wife as my partner or as my nothing-at-all because of their own personal bias or their own discomfort with the concept. For them, it’s an inability to string words together in a sentence. For me, it’s denying me my family, and my unit. So I choose to stand tall and call it for what it is, which isn’t easy either because I’m not trying to step on toes or throw a situation into chaos. I just want to be able to live my truth as openly as everyone else does theirs.
The Supreme Court has chosen to do a live telecast of the hearing as it happens. It’s been going on for the last 3 hours now — a follow up to yesterday’s 5-something hour session, and I think what makes me most proud of being Indian right now — and what makes me proud of our Supreme Court and our judiciary — is the dignity with which the case is being presented and heard. There is no hurling of accusations and brandishing of stereotypes. The arguments being put forward at the moment are not based on hysteria, but on hard facts about why a denying of equal marriage rights for the gay community is in actuality a denying of basic human rights. They are being heard by a bench of 5 judges who are open and receptive to both sides of the argument without any bias. That alone is a huge statement of how far we have come, and how much we have surged forward in waters that are ripe with cross currents and very strong tides.
The point is, we aren’t talking about being allowed to have fabulously decedant wedding celebrations; we’re talking about the right to one another as two individuals sharing their lives together. We’re talking about the right to inheritance, to medical insurance, to joint bank accounts, to being each other’s next-of-kin, to recognition, to children, to our families. Why should we have to live our lives in hiding? Why should I have to spend my entire life presenting a lie to the world? Living a dual life just so that it appeases the opinions of a few? As long as the outside of my front door looks shiny and new, no one really needs to know what’s going on inside. I have not been brought up to live a lie. I have not been brought up in a way that said having a dual life was acceptable because everyone else’s perception of who I am is more important than my own.
The concept of minorities and majorities based on ethnicity or faith or gender or sexual orientation was never supposed to be a part of our country. The Preamble states that WE, the PEOPLE of India, having solemnly resolved to constitute India into a sovereign socialist secular democratic Republic and to secure to ALL its citizens JUSTICE, social economical and political; LIBERTY of thought, expression belief, faith and worship; EQUALITY of status and of opportunity; and to promote among them all FRATERNITY assuring DIGNITY OF THE INDIVIDUAL and the unity and integrity of the Nation. Every individual. So why did the concept of reservations have to be introduced? Because there was inequality amidst the people and the State decided to make provisions to equalise it. Bring the scale back to an equal stance and then (hopefully) rid us of the concept of majorities and minorities.
Being able to live my authentic life is my basic human right. This isn’t a question of modern trends or some such — it’s a question of allowing the same social rights that are enjoyed by a few to be enjoyed by all. I should have the choice.
Will we be given an equal right to marry the person of our choice? I don’t know. But the fact that this hearing is taking place and the fact that it is being telecast live in itself is a huge win for us. What it means is we are no longer willing to stand by mute while someone else determines our fate based on personal biases. There’s no stuffing us back into societally created closets. Take me as I am, or don’t — that’s on you. But who I am and the life I choose to live is dependent on me. For me, this hearing stands for that. For all the visible bigotry that exists in our country, the tide has already swung and no amount of name calling or threatening will cause it to go back to a previous pattern.
That leaves me with hope.
And without hope, it would have been a lot harder to brace against the pushing tides.